The Miracle Gallon, part.. what, eight?

Yeah, this won't need much explanation. I've already waxed romantic over the Miracle Gallon. Here is yet another of its converts (hitherto known as "the dumpster table," "three-legs," "when are we going to get rid of that"). We saved it from the dump--holy cow, like, nearly two years ago--with plans to do something to it, and didn't, until now. (Read: definitely a case for the MG.) The Mr. lovingly reattached its broken leg and removed the duct tape that had previously been holding it there. (Yes, folks, we're moving up in the world.) It used to have a very dinged-up reddish (I'll call it "corporate office cherry") finish. I forgot to take a before picture, but I think most of you will probably remember it from the corner of our old living room. I got fancy with it, this time, and used some other leftover paint for an inset on the top. In process:

And, the finished product:

It's currently enjoying a second life as a side table for the aforementioned fauxfa. Two-inch painters' tape made that inset really easy.

We Bought A House (and a Lizard)

Yep. Came right along with it. Freebie. To best illustrate how we came to know this, imagine the following scenario: THE MR.: "Where did that bill go?" THE MRS.: "Oh, it's in the office. I'll get it--"

LIZARD: "Hey." THE MRS.: (freeze) THE MR.: "Oh, look, a little [insert colloquial term for lizards that I've already forgotten]." LIZARD: "Got any cheetos?"* THE MRS.: (pointing) THE MR.: "... I'll get it." It was deposited on the patio, after which it most surely scampered back inside to wherever it came from in the first place. Before it got a chance:

("'Sup.")

The Captain never noticed. Which was probably a good thing. *As in, "I heard you fed a slug one once."

Another Episode of 'Things that Were Brass, and Now Aren't.'

That about sums it up. I spray-painted something else--in fact, another light fixture. This time it was a two-bulb brass lamp (of the "bankers'" variety, I think?), purloined from the Mr.'s parents' garage. (Apologies if, by letting us have it, you expected it to stay brass-colored...) A "before" picture:

It then got the same treatment as the chandelier. Well, not quite. Home Depot doesn't sell the same spray paints that Lowe's does, so I tried one of those supposedly "hammered metal" ones. (Sidebar: I like the result, but I probably wouldn't go for it again; it seemed like it took a LOT of paint to get an even finish, and I think I like the matte metallic finish of the Valspar Metallic stuff I used before a little better.) Anyway, I wiped it down, taped off the pull chains and the bulb sockets and went to town. During (my toe was an integral part of the process):

I don't know how I escaped before, but for some reason this particular spraying left me completely paint-flecked. Maybe it was windier. Again, I'd suggest wearing goggles to avoid the "OMG I FLECKED MY EYEBALL" thing. I topped it off with a new JONSBO shade from Ikea, and voila!

I should have taken a closer-up picture of the finish. It does look hammered-metal-y. I'll try to remember to update.

And, we're back!

Apologies for the hiatus; the Mrs. was using her lunch breaks to write posts and has had an extraordinarily busy couple of weeks. Ah, but this means I have a whole truckload of stuff to post about that's just piled up since my last installment. Onward...

Paint Paint Paint! Paint. Paint Paint. Paint?

Wow, words look really funny when you repeat them a lot. Anyway, I've gone slightly paint crazy. It's a new dawn, really, from all the anxiety over picking the right blues (I was really trying to avoid an "I've got the blues" pun, there--I hope you appreciate that.) So what started it all? Imagine with me, if you will: the perfectly ambiguous shade. It feels cottage-y and informal, yet mature and elegant. Reads as a neutral when you want it to, and a color when you don't. Now, for the cherry on top: imagine you were able to find an entire GALLON of this color-of-all-colors, mixed with the most expensive semigloss base sold at Lowe's.... for FIVE DOLLARS. Yes, because someone else shunned it, I have a whole gallon of Valspar "Signature Colors" Semigloss in "Cliveden Gray," which is, I think, the perfect color. (Or maybe--just maybe--it's not 'Cliveden Gray,' which is, in reality, far from the perfect color; instead of following its orders the paint mixing machine WENT ROGUE, and in a fit of creativity never to be understood or fully appreciated by those around it created a masterpiece...) Okay, whatever. I really like it. I'm going to have to rein myself in a little bit, though, because in the last 48 hours I've painted an armoire and a coffee table and I already have plans for a nightstand and a side table. And I haven't even used half the can. Turns out semigloss is a nice finish for furniture, and I wasn't kidding--this is the most chameleonlike color I've ever seen. In a good way. Pictures aren't going to do it justice, but here are the first two victims of my glee:

*Some of you might recognize this as the former bearer of art supplies and serving dishes. He has found new purpose as a DVD-and-board-game peddler in the family room. And yes, I just personified an armoire.

This was a thrift store find--a $15 coffee table that had a yellowy "oak" finish on it. The sides were veneered but the top was solid, so the Mr. sanded it down (getting some mileage out of that rotary sander) and stained it with the stain he's using on the countertops (spoiler!). Then the rest got the miracle-gallon treatment. This picture stinks, but without the flash it was too blurry. So, come see them. You'll swear it's cream, then you'll look at it again, and you'll be darned if it isn't sage green. Really.

Update-o-rama, part II: the New Lights

Weee! On a roll. I can't remember if I've already mentioned it or not, but we had some lovely eighties-ariffic outdoor lights in the back and side yards; two over the patio and one to light Captain Muddypaws' egress. I'll let them speak for themselves:

Okay, so not horrible, you know? But they didn't match anything else on the exterior of the house, anywhere. There are some great light fixtures elsewhere (on the front porch and the screen porch)--beautiful craftsman-like, marbled-glass things. Then there were these. There's something kind of "ice cream parlor" about them. So, we found some great little replacements at Home Depot. The Mr. and his father put them up the same weekend the floors went in. And, "ta-daaaa:"

They're a little smaller, overall, than the old fixtures, but they put out the same amount (if not more) light--the clear glass is better for the patio than the white-glazed globes that used to be there. It's a small thing, but it makes a significant difference. AND, since we've been painting and staining a bunch stuff on the patio after dark (more on that later!), we've really appreciated them.

Update-o-rama: Fauxfa Edition

Hooray! I have new pictures! Last week the "new" fauxfa arrived from the upholsterer. I mean, not as though it's a surprise, really, that the thing looks COMPLETELY different--it was basically taken down to its innards, refluffed, and recovered. It no longer has a skirt, or the weird brass tacks the old version had (only on the back?). Its broken leg has been fixed, and yes, folks--it is now plaid. For a refresher on how it used to look, as well as an explanation of the term "fauxfa" for those of you who may have missed it, see the "before" post--because this is the "after:"

...and some context:

Sorry the pictures are a little dark/blurry. For those of you still skeptical about the giant orange plaid, I invite you to see it in person. I realize there may be something wrong with the part of my brain that finds plaids loud/overwhelming/busy/kitsch-y, etc., etc. but I'm really happy with it; it's so much brighter/warmer/happier than it used to be.

Dear Blue: It's not you, it's me.

So, an update on the kitchen. I last left you with an oh-so-tantalizing teaser about painting the newly-installed textured wallpaper. Mom and I worked hard on getting it painted before moving weekend, but that ended up learning me some lessons:

1. The cheapest paint you can find is thin, drips a lot, and doesn't cover well. Which is, you know, why it's cheap.
2. That wallpaper sucks up a lot of paint. You need more than you think you do.
3. The right blue is really hard to choose. I was going for a lighter-toned gray/cadet/robin's egg blue, that wouldn't be too dark or overpowering and wouldn't look pastel. Then you have to worry about it looking too purple sometimes, or too green... Anyway.
4. Our kitchen has about twelve light sources, and every one of them makes the color look different. (The overhead lights, the light over the sink, the range light, the window... not to mention the shadowy areas under the cabinets.) I found a color I was happy with in one area, that looked wrong in two others.

I was trying to be adventurous and use color and all that, but in the end, the color I'd spent so long choosing was all "It's a Boy!" powder-blue, which managed to make the taupe in the rooms on either side of it look pink. So we stepped back a bit, and in the wee hours of the morning the night before the new floor came and the move was to begin, we repainted it a safe cream. Here's a wall, against the new floor, RE-painted in Ralph Lauren, "Chalk White:"

I have very carefully not shown you pictures of the opposite cabinets. They're topped with, we think, handmade "butcher block" countertops (2x2s bolted together, apparently). They had a dark stain on them and a crazy-thick layer of shellac, which wasn't in too great shape. I'll save the rest for a post with pictures, but they have undergone a magnificent transformation, thanks to the combined efforts of the Mr., my sister-in-law, and my father-in-law. The countertop that IS pictured is laminate with an edging that matched the old countertops; our hope is to replace that whole thing with a stone or solid-surface top. That way, we get to keep the great wooden countertops, but we'll also have a harder-wearing surface. More to come!

Google FAME.

So as of this morning, if you Google "$5 chandelier" we're the first result. Hah! It's nice to feel at least momentarily relevant (where $5 chandeliers are concerned, of course).